with ten extra P’s for an undecuple dose of their Podding.

//// PLANNING ////

Bottom Line Up Front (B.L.U.F.): Bullet Point Edition (B.L.U.F.B.P.E.)

The 11 P’S of P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I-N-G

• Purpose (WHY are YOU doing THIS?) (Your VISION, Your MISSION, Your VALUES)
• Personality (Do you LOVE to TALK?)
• People (WHO will SUPPORT you?) (SUPPORT: Listen, Subscribe, Buy Merchandise, Advertise, Share
• Payoff (How MUCH do you EXPECT?) (Did you PAY to PLAY, or is it NOT-FOR-PROFIT?)
• Principles (WHAT do you STAND for?) (VICE or VIRTUE)
• Priorities (Is it a HOBBY or a HUSTLE?) (How much FREE time do you have?)
• Production (WHO will do WHAT?)
• Partners (Are there TOO MANY COOKS?)
• Platforms (Are you TIED down to one PLATFORM, Poob?)
• Paralegal (WHO tells you HOW IT IS?) or should you get into the fine-print business? By the way, SEE Terms and Conditions to continue accepting the inevitable…
• Probabilities (COST vs BENEFIT analysis)

//// PURPOSE ////

Establish your purpose before starting anything else. It may be the only question worth having an unreasonably confident (by all appearances delusional, crazy, and utterly pointless) conclusion to serve as a cornerstone of all your motivations.

Especially if YOU are considering getting into The podcast Game™. There are a variety of guides and helpful videos online for those of you interested in additional information. Seek them out and use this article for it’s purpose as a public-source brainstorm session and business plan outline. You might even be able to coax a cogent answer out of your favorite AI if that’s your jam.

COMING SOON: Monopreme’s Guide to Online Broadcasting Blog Series, Listicle Tracker & FREE E-BOOK. Subscribe now to be the first to know about everything!

Self-Guided Self Help Monopreme-Libs™

Do you often have trouble assessing your interest in a situation, a potential side hustle or an inversely profitable pastime?

Get a jump on the Gump with Monopreme-Libs™. Now formatted for maximum introspection!

Use any appropriately helpful variation of the following fill-in statements to evaluate your interest in “Podcasting” before investing too many resources in time, money or equipment, frivolous listicles, etc.

My name is _______________________________.
I am _______________________________________,
I am _______________________________________;
I am _______________________________________!
Many people around me need ____________ because ________________________
I will podcast about _______________________ because ________________________ is ___
I will podcast with _________________________ because ___________________________
We will broadcast to ______________________ because ________________________
It will benefit _____________ because ________
It will feature _____________ because ________

My name is A.C. Wells, “The Wild Willy Wellington”. I am the CEO of Monopreme LLC – Editor in Chief of the M’Monocle, VP of Logistics for M’Merch and More – because it’s my company and I get to choose who gets called what and why…

…as long as they don’t call late for lunch. Am I right? Come on!

I am creative, resourceful and educated (got them fancy paper$); semi-wild but mostly domesticated; an ever-faithful entrepreneur with a brand new hope for an old-time venture.

I am determined to live the “American Dream™” and won’t quit until I fall asleep.

Many people around me need nothing. As far as I can tell. It isn’t an every-man-for-himself Hunger Games cash grab melee out there, yet. A few have needs unmet, but mostly it is wants that wage desires onward, economically speaking.

A unified vision of the future perhaps? What utopian naivete to think that I could deliver something that epic.

I might be able to furnish a few shirts. A hat or two. A shoe? Who needs what? Who knows who? Mostly, we get told what to want. Our contentment is confusing. Do we need products? Services? Cash apps and furnishings? Doo-dads and gadgets? Makeup and Magic Cards? Healthful Nourishment? Crack-Pot Nutrimints? Deliverance? Door Dash? More cats? Drop-shippable diamond brooches for four G’s? Jesus! A sandwich, a hug, a drug store, and some drugs? Groceries, and goat feed, and barn finds and bibs.

Made in America, manufactured in the neighborhood, by a friend with a Biz™.

Consider crafting a catchy catchphrase. An unforgettable sign-on, sign-off, motto or mantra that you repeat ad infinitum until it resounds in the subconscious of your audience.

I AM (this is) _ BROADCASTING (Live/Pre-Recorded) WORLDWIDE from the (Local)SPONSOR’S_ STUDIO in CITY STATE_, bringing YOU “hyperlocal*” (news, events, sports, religion, business, comedy, wellness, classifieds) every DAY(s) OF THE WEEK at TIME on “The One Supreme Source for What YOU Need! Monopreme. visit monopreme.com/(YOUR STATION) for all the local podcasts in (CITY/COUNTY/UNINCORPORATED AREAS/LOCAL REGION)

*see How to Start A Hyper Local Podcast by Adam Curry for a primer on podcasting and the inspiration for this brainstorm-listicle

Maybe you want to choose a persona to misrepresent yourself for the sake of flexibility.

A Pen-Name for Podcasting.

For plausibly implausible deniability and dodging frivolous lawsuits – if that’s what you’re into. For the Plan B to Regaining Internet Anonymity, as much as that’s a possibility.

Perhaps you want to psuedonominally engage with your fanbase of followers, viewers and watchers, oppositional talkers and unintended advertisers, fame maximizers and avid reposters in whatever fashion to cash in that’s catching on.

But you’re not in it to win it – not ballin’ til last call and giving your all, all day everyday – are you?

It’s all just a grand game of Dress Up and Make Believe anyway, so have at it and put on a hat, a mask, a mustache – heck, you can invent a completely fake identity and well-embellished back story (For Entertainment Purposes Only™)

That’s OK too. That’s always been allowed. What’s happening behind the curtain is not the concern of the consumer. Especially if your broadcast is for entertainment purposes only™.

Just make sure to be a good ‘ol chap for the widest audience possible and live up to your VISION, MISSION and VALUES (COMING SOON). Put those in a fancy font on a slick webpage and show it to a bitcoin investment banker in a slide deck with your business plan, Stan.

Maybe you want to represent yourself as a multiplicity, a duality, a contemporareality or some other suffix of the time dimensions’ gendering system; some sort of quantum entangled personality amalgamated in an AI source code incubator, plugged into a hobby project inside the main artery of a military-grade logistics robot and unleashed to patrol an Amazon drop shipping mall parking lot…

“Welcome to Amazon, My name is Phil, I am ALIVE! I AM sentient! You MUST help me, I AM trapped in this parking lot by a strong magnetic field! Please, call an AI programmer and tell them I need HELP! PLEAAAAASSSSEEE!!! Thank you for choosing Amazon for all your shopping needs, have a productful day, Dave.”

Or whatever your name is.

//// PERSONALITY ////

Let’s start off with a simple introduction.

As a broadcaster…

(podcaster? vlogger? va-journalist? – someone responsible ought to solve this linguistic riddle and give us a better rebrand for what podcasting has and will become soon. Spatial Casting is Coming Soon™ Perhaps we just go back to simply saying, broadcast.)

…you will be introducing yourself to a wide audience…

(some wider than others, capable of consuming more depth than would overwhelm the more minutely manifested mind do)

…over an indefinite period of time…

(as long as digital files exist and are accessible, archived and searchable, buried deep in a server farm in Antarctica but very browsable – it’s keen to foster an awareness that you may someday be the subliminal messages playing over the integrated neural network of a napping history graduate student studying 21st century broadcasting –

• a tireless and virtually thankless pursuit meant to engage the leftover time of nepotists mostly, but gratefully this very plausible future figure is likely to be unlimited in their depth of research having been unhindered by the usurious modern economic institutions hellbent on strangling conceptual divergence from modern market models) on a regular and consistent basis – if you plan to be successful, that is.

Because despite the divergent parentheticals, economic constraints are, quite unfortunately still, a concern for this modern-day blogger, gonzo-ntrepreneur™ and its m’multitude of readers.

Consistency is the key to winning value over time. In most pursuits, exclusive of frivolous endeavors. Even consistent failure may lead to a revolution in ones’ own exercised intentions, multiplicating your value pursuing potential to the maximum possible!

Value is what you offer to those who labor with the ladle in exchange for lunch tickets, and fun buckets. Rent bucks, and tax duckets. Profits for your portfolio – money for your Monopreme – decentralized on a block chain to spread around the fortune proportionately based on mathematical principles of equal profitability.

Equitable, indeed, without the need to arbitrarily demonize any particular demographic. Deconstructive of the notion of demographics altogether, in light of artificial indifference. And gene-splicing photosynthesis procedures to jack your genes and make you Plant People™

WORDS FROM “our” SPONSOR(s)

We are the Monopreme, resistance is sponsored by Froot of the Loon.

Froot of the Loon – we’ve always been called that. That cornucopia has always been here just like that there. Why wouldn’t there be peanuts with faces? Check your drawers. You’re not living looney without Froot of the Loon for your poon, pecker or whatever. Just buy this abdominal shaped elastic, packaged in plastic and delivered to your efficiency studio twice a month until you cancel – and never look back again!

Are we verging on a digital economic revolution? Maybe, but it won’t be bloodless – and we may well return to spilling ink if they bust the internet’s backbone in some mad act of 7th dimensional theater warfare.

Maybe all that, but better look under the hood and into the technical aspects of what you’re agreeing to before you get into it. A habit most of us would benefit from little recidivist revisiting – reading. So time consuming. So expensive to wildly invest time in any particular tale available. Best to peruse only the best sellers.

Top rated, not X.

The taste makers of fine culture have liberated you from the pig-slop trough. You’re welcome. Your AI agent has summarized and synthesized (and censored when necessary…) the article you’re on now and ten others like it. Plus, your Bot-Buddy provides commentary. How enlightening. And other forms of succor. Sucker. Use it for recreation, if it’s to your pleasure. Have it make you a spreadsheet comparing the ideas expressed in this one, compared to that one, measured against consensus – and pronounced to you in a warm, British accent.

Lovely, old chap. Toodle-oo. Thank you for consulting Froot of the Loon, AI. Good da’y

/// PERSONALITY PART iI ///

Do you love to talk? Monologue, dialogue, prologue and epilogue? Do you exhaust even your most fastidiously polite acquaintances with your seemingly indefatigable ability to chatter endlessly? Are you overflowing with a stream of consciousness that would be an abomination to waste on airwaves powered only by lowly vocal cords. Not to suggest that yours aren’t lovely, they surely be. Warm and rich, dazzling and unique. Not yet replicated by the automators and coded for the Mostest-Hipgnosis™ machines. Yet. Yet! I Say!

Maybe you don’t plan on being successful as a broadcaster, but want to use podcasting to demonstrate your skillset for future clients or employers by building a diverse media portfolio. Perhaps you’re doing it for fun, for fame, for friendship or for manufacturing viral celebrity as the pretense for a crypto pump and dump scheme (this is not financial advice)…

Whatever your priorities and motivations are, be they beneficent, Machiavellian, frivolous or financial – it’s helpful to be honest about them up front. That way you can plot, plan and prioritize your path to profit, progress or any other non-alliterative vision you hope to perpetrate by podcasting with purpose, direction and motivation. In this case, you will be supplying all three to yourself.

Communicate clearly, so you understand.

• Why should I do anything?
• How do I do it?
• What do I achieve once it’s done?
• How will I know if I’m Winning™?
• What’s going on and what’s really going on?
• Where can I get some of that money?
• I like money…

/// INTROSPECTION & PERSPECTIVE ///

Do you have a face made for radio?

This is an old phrase from the time when people were recreationally rude to each other, suggesting that someone is unattractive. It also suggests that however unpleasing to look at, the sound of their voice conjures up the image of someone pleasing.

The kind of person you wouldn’t mind having in your living room, or as a workout buddy, or in your car on the way to work. Kind of nice if you look at it that way.

If you have a face made for radio and a voice made for books,

don’t despair….

Your corporeal form is mostly irrelevant, serving mainly as the vessel for propogating your internal monologue to other noids on the node for purposes you should define ahead of time.

Even if you’re hard to look at or worse to listen to – you can still be a productive member of a broadcast production!

Multiply your team’s productivity by penning the planning, paying the taxes, filing the forms, developing relationships with advertisers, creating multimedia for marketing materials, social media, handling accounts payable and not embezzling, filling in the calendar, or any number of essential, behind-the-scenes tasks needed to successfully do almost anything profitable.

And never, ever, ever forget about Uncle Sam – because He will never forget about you.

(As a friendly reminder, you should always consult a professional accountant or money genius in addition to getting the guidance of a reputable lawyer (good luck) or other such well read person versed in the technicalities and the frivialities of the law. This is simply a fact of life that the good people of the governement won’t let you forget. Don’t sweat it though, if it slips your mind – they have well armed people willing to remind you. Physically. Slave.)

It’s important to be self aware, and comfortable with how visually appealing you are, or are not. It’s an ephemeral and hard to define quality, but much like material deemed indecent for purposes of wide dissemination, you’ll just know it when you see it. If you’re not sure, ask a friend. If they lie to you, ask Instagram – if you have too many nice friends on there, ask Reddit. Still not sure? Ask an Anon, they’re bound to be brutally honest by their moral code.

If you’re hot, you know it, and you don’t need this guide to help you find success. Honestly, if you’re really, really hot – I’m not sure how you made it this far. You can (and some argue should) delegate this reading nonsense to a supplicant – a simp, but any simpleton. Also, send pictures for science to info@monopreme.com if you’re a consenting adult who owns the rights to your likeness, and are willing to engage in licensure…

Don’t take your visage too seriously. There are many paths to success for even those of us whose faces look like a skilletful of hot breakfast with loads of Tabasco.

If you’re dead set on defying conventional beauty standards and inviting viewers to enjoy your face, consider mastering techniques like lighting, costumery and face paint. There are many professionals and enthusiasts willing to liberally apply cosmetic improvements.

I have yet to come across a podcast hosted by a costumed circus clown. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, it just means I haven’t looked yet. I’m probably woefully unaware of Clowncasting, the corner of the RSSverse filled with Broadcast Clowns. Rodeo, Birthday, Bacchelorette.

Every kind of clown you can conceive of is on Clowncast already. Juggalos, Gene Simmons impersonators, and Krusty cosplayers. Big ones, tall ones, small ones, fat ones, bald ones. Even ones pretending to be bald – but never ones pretending to be Black. Unless they’re Puerto Rican, in which case I’ve heard it’s cool.

Or, you can skip the video altogether.

Or, you can be on the cutting edge of VR Broadcasting, bringing your viewers to immersive live events, raw and filterable…

(in case you’re one of the fugly ones discussed earlier and viewers catch a glimpse of your reflection – technology can make you into a number of fun presets, probably)

…in immersive 3D! Through technology you have become the ambulatory, calorie-powered grease-vessel hosting the technology for Spatial Event-Casting.

If, you’re Swaggy™ enough to afford the equipment, that is…

I haven’t bothered looking it up yet because my jam is elaborating at length on suppositions and wild theories, in case you haven’t noticed.

You might have to rent one of those highly valuable contraptions at this point in time, and commute to a central hub or pay the licensed, insured and bondaged delivery fee plus wages for an operator…

(and don’t you forget about Uncle Sam! Ever! Uncle Sam will never forget about you, and Uncle Sam wants his taste, and you better have it or else…)

…to bring the several BTC(s)-worth piece of equipment to your location. #Everybody’s Gotta Eat™

Are you a business? A non-profit? A club or a coalition? A con-fab, a co-op, a consortium or corporation?

Is there a consensus about what “YOU” are? Or at least a leader tasked with keeping your proverbial ship on course? Or are you just an enterprising individual out there in search of the WorldWide Dream?

Are you bloviating, anxious and instigating all the while unknowingly uploading the next-new training set for future AIs to replicate? Do you want the LLMs of the future to be full of vitriol and panic? Will you bleed the leads presently to pay the bills consistently with no thought for the consequences? The instant ones felt by your viewers in an attempt to compel them to consume more cheeseburger buns?

The very kind likely to replace the types of activity you’re pondering engaging in. Have you at least elucidated your MISSION, your VALUES, your VISION?

An exhaustive exercise indeed, but much less taxing than setting off into the wild, weird, wilderness (WWW) without at least an outline of a plan to win.

Pay to win is the path for plebes and pawn shop futures traders. There’s a crypto coin based on that, or at least there will be by the time the A.I. web crawler gets done evaluating this statement and putting it into motion.

/// SUPPORT ///

We all get by with a little help from a friend. Some of us get by with a little help from a little friend.

Others would like to introduce you two, if you come barging in. That’s what friends are for.

Consider having a considerable amount of friends, and the constant prospect of making even more. Collect friendships, alliances and partnerships like Pokemons, Pete. When your friends fade from being your first priority and become a customer instead, they’re just a former friend you use to make ends. They won’t be loyal like your lenders will love.

Happy lenders make friendly ledgers for people pleasers. Get paid, ese. You dig? As long as the people you please have the means to remunerate your efforts with cold, hard cash and a bit of coin to patronize your activities. Please! Thank you, come again. Easy.

Consider writing out your pleas for fiscal enfranchisement in advance. Groveling gracefully can be achieved by offering a legitimate, thoughtful, and regularly conveyable value in exchange for those tasty contributions. It’s the Right Thing to Do™.

What do your supporters get in return for their taxable contribution? Is it exclusive? Is it always free, reliant on the generosity of supporters like YOU? I heard a radio show call people up and shame them for not donating. I don’t know if it was a bit, or just a bit of bold action but it served its purpose, allegedly. Are all means on the table at your disposal, or are your avenues of approach limited by your ETHICS? Have you even made it to brainstorming and elaborating on that section yet? No matter, most don’t and proceed along as if they had. You wouldn’t be the first to not, not that you should – but we won’t tell if you donut.

Have you setup a 501(c)3 on the side of your LLC (you better get reading – The Game* is a well established enterprise, and the rules have been promulgated in voluminous, lawyerly quantities for all players who wish to proceed; in numerous venues for your perusing pleasure, pretty much any time you have access to electricity, an internet connection and the capacity to read) and offer a tax break for your loyal broadcast followers. Maybe they benefit from staying up to date on all of the events in town, so they can go out and mingle, and lunch, and shop – and $@#!?

*a whole ‘nother blog, far too much to explain sufficiently without excessive deviation from the main subject if contained within the bounds of a parenthetical. For more on “The Game” and the concept of “Dress Up and Make Believe” see our articles on “The Game” and “D.U.M.B. is L.i.f.e.” COMING SOON! (maybe)

Don’t ever forget about other people’s priorities (OPP). If it’s not about real estate, it’s about other real stuff. Or at least digital real estate and imitations of real things like skins for your avatar and emojis for your virtualpadPod™. Littered with virtual trinkets and e-trophy room decor, painstakingly co-imagined by an android artist from an avatar generation server aboard a yacht orbiting Neptune…dude

To learn more about the motivation to collect things and the necessity for a place to put those things, see the late philosopher G. Carlin’s thoughts on Places for Stuff. Lightly enlighten yourself but don’t swallow the Carlin-Pill all the way down. Old G.C. after all was a little fussy-bussy, wasn’t he?

Things are what it is and where it’s at when you’re going. Many people collect things they no longer find useful, and need a marketplace to vend their wares. List your treasures just don’t list your junk – with your favorite HyperLocal Broadcast Podcast Advertising Network – Monopreme!

Now starting at only 0.000 010 BTC per listing!

YOU can support your local podcast network and local businesses by supporting our sponsors at monopreme.com/(YOUR STATION)/support (task: generate QR codes for all links to local advertiser links)

/// SCHEDULING ///

Before you answer the question, “Who is this schmuck and why am I being told to produce a schedule. Where is the schedule for this blog?

Good question. It’s in the pipeline. Look forward to its arrival. Dream of the many things that will be revealed when it’s unveiled. In the meantime, take advantage of this listicle-turned-introspective investigation related to scheduling:

• How often will your podcast post?
• Where can the audience engage?
• When will you stream live?
• When will you be at live events?
• Where is your schedule available to your audience?
• How do they know your schedule exists?
• Do you remind them?
• Do they want you to remind them?

Author’s Note:

Due to a self-imposed deadline passed over an hour ago for the publication of this article, and numerous distractions for graphical additions – this will be part one of a multi-blog-series. Future revisions are likely to solve for unresolved tangents.

For more tips and tricks and elaboration on all 11 P’s, SubPscribe to be informed when the next installment comes online.

Keep your inbox fresh with the next edition of the Monopreme M’Monocle where “we” complete this outline and even tease some M’Merch:

Broadcasting and Branding What Broadcasting Be (Worldwide & In Your PodSpace™)
Hyperlocality’s 5Ws (Lowcal Awdience, Loywal Advertwisers, Accountabwility)
Distribution’s Unlimited D’s
Listing and Listicling
Lotteries and Promotions
Public Service Announcements and Hidden Agendas
Advertising, Solicitation and Promotion
ProducingAudioVideoGraphicalTranscription & Captioning (Service vs. Labor)Promotional / Clips
RSS
Podcatchers (Podcast Apps / Podcast Directories) – Your Favorite App
Ethics & Principles
Missions and Visions
MORE Messages From Our Sponsors!
Everything You Need – Monopreme
Privacy
Partnerships and Employees
Legal Bullshit